Navigating Physical Contact Etiquette with Strangers: Lessons from a Cannes Encounter

At the Cannes Film Festival’s red carpet, a recent incident unfolded when a photographer grabbed actor Denzel Washington’s arm, seemingly attempting to capture an additional photograph.

Startled, Washington swiftly pulled his arm away, firmly telling the photographer multiple times to stop. This brief confrontation between two strangers quickly attracted widespread attention, raising the question: when, if ever, is it appropriate to touch someone you don’t know?

To explore this dilemma, etiquette experts and therapists specializing in personal boundaries were consulted about social norms governing physical contact with strangers.

Etiquette surrounding spontaneous physical touch is nuanced, varying significantly across cultures and regions. Nonetheless, the consensus among the professionals was clear: “The strict rule is that you should not touch strangers,” said William Hanson, a UK etiquette consultant and author of Just Good Manners.

When asked about specific situations, Hanson was unequivocal. Trying to get a waiter’s attention by touch? Not acceptable. Placing a hand on someone while maneuvering through a crowd? Also no—he recommended weaving through without contact.

Some experts allowed for exceptions. For instance, if someone drops their wallet without noticing and doesn’t hear you calling, “a brief touch could be appropriate,” noted Juliane Shore, a marriage and family therapist from Austin, Texas, and author of Setting Boundaries That Stick. However, she cautioned against grabbing or holding the person.

“Keep your hands still,” agreed Elaine Swann, an etiquette expert from Carlsbad, California. “Don’t touch people without their permission unless you’re trying to protect them from harm.”

Greeting customs present a slightly more complex picture, but a handshake remains a reliable standard, experts said.

Though it may seem routine, the handshake conveys warmth through your smile, eye contact, and tone of voice, explained Diane Gottsman, founder of the Protocol School of Texas. Offering a hand also provides options, such as a quick shake or a fist bump.

“Some people identify as huggers,” shared Krystal Mazzola Wood, a marriage and family therapist from Phoenix and author of Setting Boundaries. “If you’re a hugger, that’s wonderful! But you ask first. Say, ‘I love giving hugs, is that okay with you?’”

Being mindful of cultural differences is crucial. For example, in certain parts of the world, a cheek kiss is customary, Hanson observed. Other cultural norms are subtler. The British etiquette expert diplomatically noted that while the US and the UK share similar social codes, Britons tend to value personal space more, whereas Americans may be somewhat more relaxed and tactile.

If you tend to dismiss brief physical contact as harmless, consider that the person you touch might have experienced physical trauma, warned Mazzola Wood. Shore also pointed out that dynamics related to race and gender can influence how physical contact is perceived.

“For centuries, people were treated as property and could be touched or harmed without repercussions,” she said, adding that “being grabbed by a stranger can evoke deep-rooted associations with violence and oppression for Black men in the United States or for women.”

Some individuals simply dislike being touched—and they are fully entitled to that preference.

Still unconvinced about the significance of these boundaries? Mazzola Wood suggests a visualization exercise: imagine sitting peacefully in a park on a sunny day with your eyes closed when suddenly someone unknown touches your arm. Most people would experience an immediate, instinctive sense of discomfort. Remember, even if a touch seems innocent to you, it could put someone else in a similarly unsettling position.

If a stranger invades your personal space, experts advise being direct. If possible, step back and say something like, “Please give me some space,” Shore recommended. Holding a drink can serve as a physical barrier, Hanson suggested, or leaning back in a chair if seated. Nonverbal cues are powerful, agreed Swann, though she admitted surprise at how often people seem unaware of them.

Images from the encounter showed the photographer not only touched Washington but also pulled him, which one expert described as “completely outrageous.”