Reflecting on a Decade of Marriage Equality Milestone

In 2011, my now-husband and I embarked on a journey that was common among gay couples at the time: traveling to Massachusetts to get married. Our ceremony took place on a serene beach in the small town of Marblehead and was truly memorable. Family members traveled from Venezuela, Spain, and various parts of the United States to join us. An older lesbian couple who observed from a distance later shared that they were moved to tears by witnessing a young gay couple openly affirm their love.

However, upon returning to Ohio, where I still reside, it felt as though our wedding had never occurred. The state did not recognize same-sex marriages, which meant that for years, my husband and I were unable to file taxes jointly or access spousal benefits. It was only after the Supreme Court’s 2015 decision in Obergefell v. Hodges—a case challenging Ohio’s policies—that all states were required to legally acknowledge marriages like ours.

This ruling has had an unparalleled impact on my life. Beyond the tangible legal benefits such as tax relief and government recognition, it signaled a profound cultural transformation. Growing up, derogatory terms like “gay,” “queer,” and the F-slur were often hurled among peers. I vividly recall a high school classmate interrupting health class with the chant, “It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!”

Yet, the nation’s highest court legalized my marriage. Following the decision, the president at the time celebrated the moment by illuminating the White House with rainbow colors, providing a sense of affirmation that my younger self, surrounded by intolerance, had believed would never come.

This Thursday marked the tenth anniversary of that landmark ruling. To commemorate the milestone, the Modern Love column invited readers to share personal reflections on what the decision has meant to them. The responses offer a collection of heartfelt stories worth exploring. Below are selected excerpts.

Adam Wallenfang, Chicago:

Neil Rafferty, Birmingham, Ala.:

Marina Rota, Los Angeles:

Brandon Carrillo, Stamford, Conn.: