Women Dining Alone Demand to Be Left in Peace

I frequently dine alone at restaurants, a habit that often unsettles those around me. Recently, I mistakenly booked a table for two instead of one. After clarifying this with the host, I was seated. The chef on duty noticed me and expressed sympathy, lamenting that I appeared to have been stood up that evening. Before I could respond, she kindly brought me an extra elderflower kombucha, looking at me with tenderness reminiscent of a scene from a television show where a character is left alone in a restaurant.

Eating solo has never intimidated me; in fact, I enjoy dining out so much that I write a newsletter about restaurants. Since I don’t always want company, I end up having more solo dining experiences than most. While seated alone, restaurant staff sometimes offer complimentary drinks and comments mixing admiration with pity, often saying how impressive it is to see someone enjoy a steak alone on a Sunday night.

The pity or ‘good for you, girl’ attitude always puzzles me. Is stepping out alone with just a credit card really an act of courage? Society still seems to view women as inherently social creatures, unsuited to solitude. Yet women don’t need encouragement to lead independent lives. Being treated like a lonely, lost lamb simply because no one joined me is infantilizing. It's important to recognize how absurd it is to frame a woman dining alone as an act of bravery or something shameful. It is neither brave nor sad for a woman to eat alone.

Historically, dining alone as a woman has been fraught with restrictions. In the 19th century, some grand hotels reserved separate “ladies’ dining rooms” for women dining solo or in female-only groups. In the 20th century, women could be denied service in taverns or hotel dining rooms without a male companion. Change came slowly. Some establishments maintained “men only” policies for years. In 1969, feminist activists protested at a prominent hotel restaurant to demand women be allowed during men-only lunch hours. This led to policy changes and inspired similar protests nationwide. In 1970, a federal lawsuit and new city law ended a 116-year ban on women at New York City’s oldest continuously operating tavern.

Despite progress, seeing a woman dining alone can still seem unusual, often implying rejection, loneliness, or romantic failure rather than choice. Shortly after opening in 1997, restaurateur Keith McNally started a tradition at his Balthazar restaurant of offering a complimentary glass of champagne to women dining solo. His intent was to convey that the restaurant genuinely welcomes and encourages women to dine alone.