A Simple Question to Ask Before Offering Advice

Throughout my life, my younger sisters have often turned to me for guidance. During our teenage years, they would ask for my thoughts on dating and romance.

Back then, my experience was limited, so my advice wasn’t always grounded in reality. However, I delivered it with confidence and clarity, which made my sisters accept it without question.

Nowadays, they come to me with more adult concerns, such as career decisions or choosing the right reading glasses. Yet sometimes, I find myself overstepping.

For instance, recently my sister Dinah was expressing her worries about paying for her daughter’s college tuition. I quickly jumped in with suggestions, even though it was clear she mainly wanted to share her fears—and I don’t have children in college myself.

Offering advice can make you feel empowered, helpful, and generous. However, unsolicited guidance can sometimes have the opposite effect, cautioned clinical psychologist Alexandra Solomon, host of the podcast Reimagining Love.