Rethinking Family Divides: When Political Differences Hit Home

Not long ago, I believed it was my responsibility to be cold toward my wife’s younger brother.

I first met Matt Kappler in 2012, and it was immediately apparent that we shared few common interests. While he was into weightlifting accompanied by death metal music, I preferred jogging while listening to Stephen Sondheim. I had an Ivy League education and was once a speechwriter for President Barack Obama; he admired Joe Rogan and eventually earned his electrician’s license. My initial memories of Matt are somewhat blurred, mostly because I was trying to make a good impression on his parents. Nonetheless, we got along well enough, exchanging friendly conversation during holidays and family gatherings.

Everything changed when the pandemic struck, turning our differences from simple preferences into deep cultural divides. The most pronounced rift was over vaccination. I wasn’t surprised that Matt chose not to receive the Covid vaccine, but I found it perplexing. Rejecting a vaccine amid a global health crisis felt like a denial of science and self-care. It seemed as though he was breaking the social contract I had assumed we shared.

If Matt had been merely a friend, I likely would have severed ties altogether. Instead, during the rare occasions we met outdoors, I responded with curt, disapproving remarks.

“How’s work going?”

“Mhrmm.”

My coldness wasn’t personal—it was deliberate. I believed being unfriendly to those who declined vaccination was justified. After all, how else could we encourage them to reconsider their stance?

I wasn’t alone in this mindset. In 2021, some commentators advocated for socially ostracizing the so-called “vaccine hesitant.” One article even suggested that mocking the deaths of some anti-vaccine individuals might create “teachable moments.”

The practice of shunning to enforce accountability dates back thousands of years. In ancient Athens, citizens perceived as threats to social order could be “ostracized” — exiled from society for a decade. Historically, banishment was often considered a punishment as severe as death. The symbolism behind Hester Prynne’s scarlet letter was to publicly mark her violation of social norms and discourage others from following suit.