A distinctive trend dominates the current self-help best-seller lists, featuring titles like "The Courage to Be Disliked" and "Set Boundaries, Find Peace." These books encourage readers to stop worrying about disappointing others, to avoid engaging with draining acquaintances, and to embrace the possibility of being perceived as the antagonist.
This trend gains significance when viewing best-seller lists as reflections of the social climate, a perspective some historians support.
Consider Dale Carnegie's enduring classic "How to Win Friends and Influence People," published in 1936 amid the Great Depression, when unemployment soared to 16.9 percent. In a time of financial hardship and uncertainty, Carnegie’s advice offered a simple, accessible formula for success: charm others, dispense compliments, and maintain a positive demeanor, even if forced.
Carnegie assured readers that iconic figures like Benjamin Franklin and Abraham Lincoln achieved success through these straightforward tactics. For example, he advised readers to force a smile or whistle a tune when alone, promoting a cheerful exterior as a path to influence. The book resonated deeply, selling over 30 million copies.
Three decades later, amid social upheaval marked by rising divorce rates and youth rebellion in places like Haight-Ashbury, Americans turned to advice columns such as "Dear Abby" and "Ann Landers." These columns reflected a society grappling with changing family dynamics and social expectations, offering guidance rooted in traditional values even as they evolved over time.
Every historical period shapes its own approach to self-realization, with self-help authors addressing the spiritual and cultural questions of their era.
In today’s era of heightened social conflict—where public discourse often features sharp exchanges among leaders and distressing images flood social media—the self-help narrative encourages turning inward, even at the expense of external awareness. This inward turn offers a refuge from constant exposure to global crises.
The dominant message of 2025’s self-help movement appears to be that embracing a degree of selfishness is acceptable.
Books like "The Courage to Be Disliked," which has sold over 10 million copies, and "The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck," which has remained on best-seller lists for years, exemplify this trend. Upcoming titles such as "Fawning: Why the Need to Please Makes Us Lose Ourselves—and How to Find Our Way Back" continue the theme. Even "Atomic Habits" advises readers to focus on small, manageable changes rather than sweeping transformations, reinforcing the idea that personal improvement is attainable through simple adjustments.
Dr. Ingrid Clayton, author of "Fawning," explains that her work highlights how some individuals are conditioned to placate others and that resisting this impulse by prioritizing personal desires—even in small matters like choosing where to eat—is beneficial.
Across these new self-help titles, there is a common thread urging readers to prioritize self-satisfaction over seeking approval. This shift resonates with those familiar with therapy language around boundary-setting and distancing from "toxic" relationships. The genre broadly promotes unapologetic self-interest as the answer to contemporary challenges.
The experience of Covid-19 lockdowns intensified inward focus for some, fostering skepticism toward public health measures and a rejection of communal responsibility. This period left a lingering individualism that some self-help books now amplify.
Clinical psychologist Lindsay Gibson, author of "Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents," developed her book from patient experiences with emotionally immature family members. Her goal was to reassure readers they were not responsible for all their difficulties, underscoring the importance of self-care.
A key question underlying these new self-help narratives is when it is appropriate to focus on personal growth rather than attempting to solve broader societal problems.
However, as self-help advice proliferates online, its nuances often become diluted. The core message—embracing self-care and accepting the role of the "bad guy"—spreads rapidly, especially on platforms like TikTok, where influencers with millions of followers promote "protecting your peace" by avoiding draining people and situations. Common advice includes distancing oneself from negativity and understanding that saying no does not equate to unkindness.
One popular TikTok video lists "10 things I avoid to protect my peace," with "watching the news" ranked sixth, illustrating a tendency to shield oneself from external stressors.
Self-help has long carried implicit political messages. Carnegie’s work portrayed the powerful as both relatable and deserving, while mid-20th-century advice columns gradually adapted to social progress, offering readers permission to reconsider traditional norms about marriage and family.
Currently, some self-help themes are echoed in right-leaning media, where personal improvement advice blends with political commentary. Hosts emphasize lifestyle changes like diet and exercise, sometimes segueing into critiques of feminism or political endorsements, blurring the line between wellness and ideology.
When asked about the potential societal impact of the "do less" and anti-people-pleasing philosophy, Dr. Clayton acknowledged the risk of extremes but noted that disengagement can sometimes be necessary for personal growth, allowing individuals to reengage with greater agency when ready.
Nevertheless, as more people adopt a mindset of "protecting their peace," those around them may feel neglected. Ironically, this dynamic could sustain the self-help industry, as individuals continually seek guidance to navigate evolving social and personal challenges.
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